Invisible to the Eye

So this is a stretch for me to share. Last Friday night I went to a big craft brewery to celebrate a friend getting her PhD.  It was a big venue with indoor and outdoor bars, a live band and a big dance floor.  I didn’t know anyone but my friend and her husband. 

I danced, talked over the loud music and people watched.  

At one point a really tall guy approached (rare for Hawaii), he was handsome, and he hugged my friend and congratulated her.  I watched them and smiled waiting for a pause to be introduced.  Inside I feel like a confident thirty-something charming and charismatic and excited to interact.  

And then nothing, no introduction. He went to sit two seats down from me and a thick cement post separated us.  I waited. Nothing.  It was as if I was invisible. Tired of feeling uncomfortable I headed to the bar. 

I ordered a small beer and then I asked the bartender, “Do you have a pretzel?” And she said, “Yes we have a very big Bavarian pretzel”, and I said, “Okay”.

I headed back to the table and waited some more.  Glancing down and smiling and then the waitress brought the most enormous pretzel hanging in mid-air on barbecue skewers, the only thing missing was her singing, “You are a fatty, you are a fatty.”  And then my crush pierced the silence with, “That’s a huge pretzel”. I quickly replied in embarrassment, “Yes, it’s for the table”, and pushed it to the center. 

Soon after, I left the party. On the ride home I felt blue. How did this happen? I have never felt invisible before. When I got home my thirty-something self was not staring at me and the woman looking at me knew things would be better after a good night’s sleep. 

The next morning I still felt blue, homesick and I headed into the day and did the things I had scheduled; a facial, a workout and those I hadn’t like a call with my mom whose anticipation of me coming home for the holidays made me feel better. 

Later my dear friend Jen called. I shared about my evening and she said, “I can so relate.” I was surprised. “Really, you have felt invisible?”  “Yes”, she replied, “share this.”

The weekend wore on and Sunday night as I looked up ingredients for a cleanse, I came across these wise thoughts from Anthony William’s book “Medical Medium, Liver Rescue”.

I opened to the last chapter of his book titled, “The Storm Will Pass” and these words…”Only compassion can free us from the judgements we place on ourselves….”Confidence comes and goes with the wind if there’s no compassion, when your confidence drops away, the damage becomes extreme to the health of your soul and body. If you hold compassion within, on the other hand you can lose confidence and it won’t faze you.” 

Eureka, self-compassion in those moments when it’s so easy to beat ourselves up instead, lean into the gifts of self-compassion– peace, he shares, “like being bundled in a warm blanket, like sunlight on the skin, a warm good meal.” Or a call from your dear friend who nudges you again and again to share because you’re not the only one. Anthony is right, the storm will pass and he reminds us, “The minute you have compassion for your yourself, you’ve connected yourself to what’s behind the stars.”

Together we connect,

Louisa 

P.S.  Just hit reply to this post, I love to connect